My Husband Is On Strike

Yes, my husband is a NYC Transit Worker. It's the worst time of year for many people, and for us as well.


You see, he doesn't have a choice. He must do what the Union says. Do we like it? No.

I don't think they should have gone out. Even the national Transit Workers Union doesn't think they should have gone out. But here we are.

Something people should think about that they often do not understand.

Bus drivers put their licenses on the line every day. They perform the functions of many people. They must collect fares, "police" the buses, deal with taxis that cut them off, bicycle messengers, pedestrians that walk out in front of buses. They must drive buses on surface roads in all sorts of weather. For driving the "articulated" buses - the ones that are essentially two buses connected with an accordian - they get a whopping 25 cents an hour more.

They do the job of the subway token booth clerks - collecting the fares.

They do the job of the conductors - "policing" the trains.

They do the job of the motormen - driving the bus.

And yet they are paid less than some of these people.

Subways operate on a track. They do not have to deal with the obstacles bus drivers deal with.

So I've felt for a long time that the Union hasn't done right by the bus drivers.

But here I am - we have a mortgage. I am in the middle of starting a business, so money is tight. Yeah, this is going to hurt.

But we don't have a choice.

The "A" Word

Wondering what that is? One of the hardest things I ever had to hear. My 5 year old son might have Autism.

I had a feeling last spring. My son talked late, but so had my other two children. My oldest daughter progressed just fine after three years old, and my middle child stuttered for a while but overcame it.

At my son's IEP meeting, I already knew he was still a quiet child and not enunciating properly or communicating. A lot of it I'd written off to being the youngest child and the boy. Sometimes it had seemed as if he were treated like a "crown prince". We gave in too much when he pointed at something and prompted too much, asking him "do you want this" - at least, that was my reasoning.

But something nagged at me about that IEP meeting last spring. He'd been in a program for two years. Just something they said made me think they were leading me in that direction. I couldn't put my finger on it. And I didn't say anything to anyone.

So we moved. A move is upsetting for anyone but my son is displaced. He doesn't have his own room back yet and probably won't until February. The week before we moved, I'd noticed him playing with his ears. My first reaction was an ear infection and I ran him to the pediatrician. His ears were fine. Yet, the "ear flapping" has continued. I was hoping it would disappear once his life was more settled.

But there were other behaviors. He's always been very musical. I attributed his jumping and dancing to that. Sometimes he'd be hard to reach. However, he's a bit of a clown and sometimes he does that on purpose. I can see him grinning from ear-to-ear as he's ignoring me completely.

Two weeks ago I confessed to my business partner that I thought they were going to talk to me about autism at the IEP meeting for his new school. He's been a rock and told me to cross that bridge when I came to it. However, my feelings were confirmed.

I'm not rushing to a diagnosis. If he is, my son is on a high level. He talks on about a 2-3 year old level (he's 5) but he does talk. He's smart - knows all his letters and numbers. I want to see what happens when he is settled more in his own room with his toys, bringing a bit more familiarity back to his life. The school has no problem with that - it's hard on them though to know what to do with him as he's hard to pin down where he falls. We'll be having another meeting in about two months.

I come home from the meeting, and the first thing my business partner does is come and ask me how it went. I told him and he stepped right up and said he'd be there to help me, whatever I needed. :-) Later on, my husband asks if they "figured out" what was wrong with our son. I said "maybe" and he didn't pursue it any further. That's what's been the norm between us. I let it go as there were others around. Later on I told him they think our son my have autism. His reaction was to make it about him - how he had "defective" children (yes, that's the word he used). I really don't care if he decides to leave me because his ego can't handle it - that all might be better for the kids anyway. However, I think he'll do what he always does and just live in denial, not talk about it, and let me deal with it.

Speaking of denial, my mother, the "queen of denial" starts telling me about how so many other people had problems and look at them - "Einstein didn't talk until he was seven - Einstein!" She goes on to list other "famous people" who she thinks I should be excited about as if somehow that negates all that might be wrong with my son. When I had finally had enough and told her "this really isn't helping Mom" she went off in a huff and went to her room and sulked. Again, all about them - I "hurt her feelings". Well sorry, but what you were saying wasn't going to make me feel any better and I really didn't want to hear it. Sorry that I disappoint you by not embracing your ramblings seeded in denial that there's a problem and can very well mean there will be problems in the future.

I feel so alone. I think if I were still in New York I would have just thrown myself off of something or driven into a tree. Maybe not, I wouldn't do that to my kids because if they didn't have me it's getting more and more obvious they'd be totally screwed. Not that I'm a "perfect parent" but at least I feel I advocate for them and put their needs at the forefront instead of my own needs and feelings.

Yet, there's no one watching out for me, except my business partner. I am so thankful I am here and have him.